I woke up with puffy red eyes and a terribly dry mouth.
I hadn’t cried that much since… since.
I’d cried to not yet having an answer from Béné, to finally wrapping my head around the fact that no matter how much investigation we would manage to do I would likely spend some time in prison.
I’d cried to lying to Steve and mom, to knowing that Amelia’s fate was also depending on me, to never resuming my hardly won nurse job at the hospital.
I’d cried at myself for I was falling hard for Aldan, who I hadn’t told even half of my psychotic life. I’d cried to him being likely dead before I could manage to tell him how I felt, because I didn’t know how to relationship.
And eventually I cried because at some point through the last topic I had looked up to him and he had clumsily jumped out of the sofa, back into his chair and rolled away.
Ergis had filled me in on the travel plans, and I’d soon gone up the stairs and snuck under my blanket to cry some more before I could sleep.
And now my alarm clock had gone off and I needed to get ready to take our flight at the airport.
I tiptoed to the bathroom, took a quick shower and drank tap water. Then I spotted a « wake up » eye gel, likely Ergis’, on the counter and used it.
Then I made sure I had all my important things packed for our journey, closed my suitcase and went down to find Aldan and Ergis in the kitchen obviously in the middle of an important silent conversation.
Ergis looked at me with a frown and Aldan pretended to be focused on looking for his morning tea box. My throat tied itself in a knot.
— S- sorry. I’ll get my luggage in the car and leave you to discuss in private.
I rushed to the basement stairs without waiting for an answer. I bravely passed by a tied up and confused Sam and got my suitcase in the trunk of the biggest car that Ayatas was supposed to drive us to the airport in.
Then I went back up to the kitchen that Aldan was now heading out of, towards the breakfast table, with his tea cup and weird toasts. I almost decided to skip breakfast altogether, but I definitely needed some tea, and my stomach was rumbling.
— May I sit with you ? I asked awkwardly when my tea and eggs were ready, feeling too weird at the idea of eating alone at the kitchen counter.
— Sure ! He said, now looking as if I’d just pulled out a splint out of his hand. I’m almost done but my first lecture is at ten so I can stay a bit.
I sat and started eating my eggs while distractedly scrolling Pinterest, mostly to avoid having to see any of the half-dozen bad things I was expecting to see in his eyes. God, I wouldn’t even have been interested in myself when I was just a woman of color with a long list of skeletons in the cupboard, but what was I now ? A TOC ? I’d gone from a minority to a singularity.
Crap, for a French speaker that sounded even worse.
— Be careful. In the US. I know Ergis is not easy, but he is trustworthy.
I found somewhere the strength for a small smile and nodded.
— And he’ll continue teaching you. And when you come back I can take over again and see what else…
— But I’m not likely to come back here, right ? I’ll go to prison for god knows how long…
— Not if we can avoid it. And maybe I am wrong, but I doubt your mom will seat there quietly while there is a perfect lawsuit opportunity.
I crossed his gaze and couldn’t help but chuckle a bit.
— You are optimistic…
— Faut y aller ! Lança Ergis.
The car drive and first flight I spent in an Indochine-induced numbness, sometimes falling asleep, but now I was sitting in the San-Francisco-Portland plane about to take off and still not feeling any better.
I’d shortly hugged Aldan and told him that I was expecting him to take his pills on time, eat well, and keep a decent sleep schedule, but he’d only shrugged it off with a « just worry about yourself ».
Then even Ayatas had hugged me at the airport, and told me he looked forward to hearing news.
When disembarking in San Franciso I’d sent a message to Aldan to let him know we were in transit, to which he’d answered saying he was on the phone with his doc and hoped we had a nice flight.
— Alors, said Ergis with something that actually looked like enthousiasme. Je ne suis jamais venu aux US. Fais-moi un Top 5 des choses à manger absolument.
— Je croyais que vous évitiez la nourriture transformée à cause des additifs. Dis-je, mon cerveau déjà en train de passer en revue seize ans - plus plusieurs mois depuis - de péchés mignons.
— Bah. C’est pas un hotdog qui va m’achever.
Ah ça c’était pas sur… maintenant j’avais envie de candy corn. On était presque en octobre, c’était tôt mais je devais pourvoir en trouver à Dollar Tree ou Wallmart.
— Apple pie, Tacos, Pastrami sandwich, Ribs, and Pumkin spice latte. From Starbucks. Oh and hot sauce for breakfast.
— C’est marrant, fit-il en m’imitant, tout d’un coup tu as l’accent.
Je me retins de lui dire que tout d’un coup il avait l’air très français, et indiquai à l’hôtesse que je voulais le sandwich au poulet.
Quand enfin l’avion se posa à Portland, Ergis se plaignait de l’immobilité prolongée, et je n’en menais pas large non plus.
— Rendez-vous aux taxis.
J’opinai et le regardai prendre sa valise et suivre la foule.
Arrived in P
E’s gone to the immigration
Great !
How’s the weather ?
No hurricane on the pacific coast I hope
Nope
It won’t reach Florida until tomorrow I think
Flights are still going for now
My turn to disembark
I text you again later ?
Sure
I got up, checked my seat pocket, took my luggage down and came back after two steps to check under the seats and in Ergis’ seat pocket too.
Damn. His phone was there. How can you be so forgetful ? ! Lucky I had a habit of double-checking…
I rolled my luggage outside of the plane to a corner where I wouldn’t bother anyone and sent a message to Aldan so he could warn Ergis.
I went through the controls for American citizens and reached the arrival hall. I could see the cabs just in front of me, and I didn’t feel like repeating the Geneva taxi driver scene, so instead I went to have a look at the shops.
I couldn’t help but smile, as I went in and out of familiar brand doors, hit by nostalgia. Apart from Mom I actually had bunches of good memories here. Especially when Dad was off from work.
I stopped in front of Starbucks and almost drooled at the large pumpkin spice latte poster. There was no way I’d not indulge myself that, after everything I had been through in the past week.
I sipped my latte on a bench in a waiting area, finished it in a Barnes and Noble, and headed to the cabs. Ergis could communicate with me anytime now, freaking out, because I wasn’t at the meeting point.
I stopped by the toilets, not really willing to risk paying my tall hot drink by being uncomfortable in the car.
I was drying my hands when a copper headed woman passed behind me in the mirror.
Miss. You dropped this.
I was already holding out my hand to grab the paper she was giving me when I froze and looked at her.